Influencing Our Own Happiness
I was overjoyed when friends and acquaintances expressed how much they had enjoyed my last article! They told me that it was thought provoking and interesting. I felt genuinely happy. Why did it make me happy? Because my passion for what I do is driven by the will and desire to help others. It is at the core of who I am.
What is happiness?
Research in the field of positive psychology often define a happy person as someone who experiences frequent positive emotions, such as joy, interest, and pride, and infrequent (though not absent) negative emotions, such as sadness, anxiety and anger (Lyubomirsky et al., 2005). It has also been said that happiness relates to life satisfaction, appreciation of life and moments of pleasure. Overall it has to do with the positive experience of emotions. That is not to say that happy people don’t feel negative emotions, they do. Nobody is immune to life’s stressors. It is how we think about them that is key. Are these stressors an obstacle or an opportunity?
“Happiness is a state of activity”. (Aristotle)
Aristotle’s point is an interesting one. When we sit and do nothing, how happy are we? We may be content but are we thriving? We can’t be happy all the time. Life is not that simple and straight forward. In my experience, being able to acknowledge that you are not happy enables you to move forward into a happier place. This is because the internal dialogue, the voices in your head, quieten down and stop taking your focus and attention. I know from experience I can be busy rushing around the family or meeting deadlines, yet, I still feel unhappy. Why is that?
When don’t we feel happy?
One of my clients gave me a great example recently of working for a business where there was an expectation to meet stretching targets and the reality was that it was taking her two or three times longer than her contracted hours. This impacted significantly on her home life and her ability to enjoy her work. When I asked her how it left her feeling she said she was unhappy and felt completely unappreciated. Her job was managing a social media account so she felt she never got results because there was no end in sight. It was an ongoing piece of work.
The reason she didn’t feel happy was because her core values were not being met. We identified that she is results driven, using all her skills was really important to her and recognition. This job was not meeting any of these core personal values.
It may or may not come as a surprise that happiness is not about feeling happy all of the time! It is not having all the money you could ever want. It is also not about ignoring all the bad stuff that happens in our lives. There is also no destination called “happiness”!
Did you know that 40% of your happiness is controlled by your actions, behaviours and thoughts? (Lyubomirsky, S. The How of Happiness)
How would it make you feel to know that happiness is a choice?
If we recognise that our own happiness is within our control it is liberating. We shouldn’t look to others to make us feel happy. At the core of who we are, are our values. These are the guidelines by which we live our life. When our values are being met we can feel fulfilled, purposeful, and happy. When they are not being met we might feel negative emotions such as frustration, anger, disappointment, being undervalued, and sad. We can use our values to help us make wise choices about the jobs we accept or the type of things we do to feel fulfilled. For example, if you are someone who values accountability and you accept a job with no responsibilities you are highly likely to feel unfulfilled. Or if you have a strong sense of independence and you feel you have no freedom to do what you need to do, you might feel frustrated.
What are your choices? Here are my top tips:
- Identify your core values so that you recognise when they are or not being met.
- Identify what needs to change for you to feel fulfilled, purposeful and valued.
- Which of these changes are within your control and which are not?
- Create a plan of action. Seek out support to help you achieve and to hold yourself more accountable for creating the change you need.
There will undoubtedly be many words or phrases that stand out but the important question to ask is how would you feel if this value was not being met.
Happiness is a choice and it takes skill and requires constant practice. Understanding what makes you feel happy and what doesn’t is a great place to start. The magic really happens when you commit to doing things differently or thinking about things differently which gives you the results you want.
Influencing Our Own Happiness
I was overjoyed when friends and acquaintances expressed how much they had enjoyed my last article! They told me that it was thought provoking and interesting. I felt genuinely happy. Why did it make me happy? Because my passion for what I do is driven by the will and desire to help others. It is at the core of who I am.
What is happiness?
Research in the field of positive psychology often define a happy person as someone who experiences frequent positive emotions, such as joy, interest, and pride, and infrequent (though not absent) negative emotions, such as sadness, anxiety and anger (Lyubomirsky et al., 2005). It has also been said that happiness relates to life satisfaction, appreciation of life and moments of pleasure. Overall it has to do with the positive experience of emotions. That is not to say that happy people don’t feel negative emotions, they do. Nobody is immune to life’s stressors. It is how we think about them that is key. Are these stressors an obstacle or an opportunity?
“Happiness is a state of activity”. (Aristotle)
Aristotle’s point is an interesting one. When we sit and do nothing, how happy are we? We may be content but are we thriving? We can’t be happy all the time. Life is not that simple and straight forward. In my experience, being able to acknowledge that you are not happy enables you to move forward into a happier place. This is because the internal dialogue, the voices in your head, quieten down and stop taking your focus and attention. I know from experience I can be busy rushing around the family or meeting deadlines, yet, I still feel unhappy. Why is that?
When don’t we feel happy?
One of my clients gave me a great example recently of working for a business where there was an expectation to meet stretching targets and the reality was that it was taking her two or three times longer than her contracted hours. This impacted significantly on her home life and her ability to enjoy her work. When I asked her how it left her feeling she said she was unhappy and felt completely unappreciated. Her job was managing a social media account so she felt she never got results because there was no end in sight. It was an ongoing piece of work.
The reason she didn’t feel happy was because her core values were not being met. We identified that she is results driven, using all her skills was really important to her and recognition. This job was not meeting any of these core personal values.
It may or may not come as a surprise that happiness is not about feeling happy all of the time! It is not having all the money you could ever want. It is also not about ignoring all the bad stuff that happens in our lives. There is also no destination called “happiness”!
Did you know that 40% of your happiness is controlled by your actions, behaviours and thoughts? (Lyubomirsky, S. The How of Happiness)
How would it make you feel to know that happiness is a choice?
If we recognise that our own happiness is within our control it is liberating. We shouldn’t look to others to make us feel happy. At the core of who we are, are our values. These are the guidelines by which we live our life. When our values are being met we can feel fulfilled, purposeful, and happy. When they are not being met we might feel negative emotions such as frustration, anger, disappointment, being undervalued, and sad. We can use our values to help us make wise choices about the jobs we accept or the type of things we do to feel fulfilled. For example, if you are someone who values accountability and you accept a job with no responsibilities you are highly likely to feel unfulfilled. Or if you have a strong sense of independence and you feel you have no freedom to do what you need to do, you might feel frustrated.
What are your choices? Here are my top tips:
- Identify your core values so that you recognise when they are or not being met.
- Identify what needs to change for you to feel fulfilled, purposeful and valued.
- Which of these changes are within your control and which are not?
- Create a plan of action. Seek out support to help you achieve and to hold yourself more accountable for creating the change you need.
There will undoubtedly be many words or phrases that stand out but the important question to ask is how would you feel if this value was not being met.
Happiness is a choice and it takes skill and requires constant practice. Understanding what makes you feel happy and what doesn’t is a great place to start. The magic really happens when you commit to doing things differently or thinking about things differently which gives you the results you want.
A SELECTION OF LUCY’S CLIENTS
A SELECTION OF LUCY’S CLIENTS
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