Influencing Our Own Happiness

I was overjoyed when friends and acquaintances expressed how much they had enjoyed my last article! They told me that it was thought provoking and interesting. I felt genuinely happy. Why did it make me happy? Because my passion for what I do is driven by the will and desire to help others. It is at the core of who I am. 

What is happiness? 

Research in the field of positive psychology often define a happy person as someone who experiences frequent positive emotions, such as joy, interest, and pride, and infrequent (though not absent) negative emotions, such as sadness, anxiety and anger (Lyubomirsky et al., 2005). It has also been said that happiness relates to life satisfaction, appreciation of life and moments of pleasure.  Overall it has to do with the positive experience of emotions. That is not to say that happy people don’t feel negative emotions, they do. Nobody is immune to life’s stressors. It is how we think about them that is key. Are these stressors an obstacle or an opportunity?

“Happiness is a state of activity”. (Aristotle)

Aristotle’s point is an interesting one. When we sit and do nothing, how happy are we? We may be content but are we thriving? We can’t be happy all the time. Life is not that simple and straight forward. In my experience, being able to acknowledge that you are not happy enables you to move forward into a happier place. This is because the internal dialogue, the voices in your head, quieten down and stop taking your focus and attention. I know from experience I can be busy rushing around the family or meeting deadlines, yet, I still feel unhappy. Why is that?

When don’t we feel happy?

One of my clients gave me a great example recently of working for a business where there was an expectation to meet stretching targets and the reality was that it was taking her two or three times longer than her contracted hours. This impacted significantly on her home life and her ability to enjoy her work. When I asked her how it left her feeling she said she was unhappy and felt completely unappreciated. Her job was managing a social media account so she felt she never got results because there was no end in sight. It was an ongoing piece of work. 

The reason she didn’t feel happy was because her core values were not being met. We identified that she is results driven, using all her skills was really important to her and recognition. This job was not meeting any of these core personal values.

It may or may not come as a surprise that happiness is not about feeling happy all of the time! It is not having all the money you could ever want. It is also not about ignoring all the bad stuff that happens in our lives. There is also no destination called “happiness”!

Did you know that 40% of your happiness is controlled by your actions, behaviours and thoughts? (Lyubomirsky, S. The How of Happiness)

How would it make you feel to know that happiness is a choice?
If we recognise that our own happiness is within our control it is liberating. We shouldn’t look to others to make us feel happy. At the core of who we are, are our values. These are the guidelines by which we live our life. When our values are being met we can feel fulfilled, purposeful, and happy. When they are not being met we might feel negative emotions such as frustration, anger, disappointment, being undervalued, and sad. We can use our values to help us make wise choices about the jobs we accept or the type of things we do to feel fulfilled. For example, if you are someone who values accountability and you accept a job with no responsibilities you are highly likely to feel unfulfilled. Or if you have a strong sense of independence and you feel you have no freedom to do what you need to do, you might feel frustrated.

What are your choices? Here are my top tips:

  1. Identify your core values so that you recognise when they are or not being met.
  2. Identify what needs to change for you to feel fulfilled, purposeful and valued.
  3. Which of these changes are within your control and which are not?
  4. Create a plan of action. Seek out support to help you achieve and to hold yourself more accountable for creating the change you need.

There will undoubtedly be many words or phrases that stand out but the important question to ask is how would you feel if this value was not being met.

Happiness is a choice and it takes skill and requires constant practice. Understanding what makes you feel happy and what doesn’t is a great place to start. The magic really happens when you commit to doing things differently or thinking about things differently which gives you the results you want.

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Influencing Our Own Happiness

I was overjoyed when friends and acquaintances expressed how much they had enjoyed my last article! They told me that it was thought provoking and interesting. I felt genuinely happy. Why did it make me happy? Because my passion for what I do is driven by the will and desire to help others. It is at the core of who I am. 

What is happiness? 

Research in the field of positive psychology often define a happy person as someone who experiences frequent positive emotions, such as joy, interest, and pride, and infrequent (though not absent) negative emotions, such as sadness, anxiety and anger (Lyubomirsky et al., 2005). It has also been said that happiness relates to life satisfaction, appreciation of life and moments of pleasure.  Overall it has to do with the positive experience of emotions. That is not to say that happy people don’t feel negative emotions, they do. Nobody is immune to life’s stressors. It is how we think about them that is key. Are these stressors an obstacle or an opportunity?

“Happiness is a state of activity”. (Aristotle)

Aristotle’s point is an interesting one. When we sit and do nothing, how happy are we? We may be content but are we thriving? We can’t be happy all the time. Life is not that simple and straight forward. In my experience, being able to acknowledge that you are not happy enables you to move forward into a happier place. This is because the internal dialogue, the voices in your head, quieten down and stop taking your focus and attention. I know from experience I can be busy rushing around the family or meeting deadlines, yet, I still feel unhappy. Why is that?

When don’t we feel happy?

One of my clients gave me a great example recently of working for a business where there was an expectation to meet stretching targets and the reality was that it was taking her two or three times longer than her contracted hours. This impacted significantly on her home life and her ability to enjoy her work. When I asked her how it left her feeling she said she was unhappy and felt completely unappreciated. Her job was managing a social media account so she felt she never got results because there was no end in sight. It was an ongoing piece of work. 

The reason she didn’t feel happy was because her core values were not being met. We identified that she is results driven, using all her skills was really important to her and recognition. This job was not meeting any of these core personal values.

It may or may not come as a surprise that happiness is not about feeling happy all of the time! It is not having all the money you could ever want. It is also not about ignoring all the bad stuff that happens in our lives. There is also no destination called “happiness”!

Did you know that 40% of your happiness is controlled by your actions, behaviours and thoughts? (Lyubomirsky, S. The How of Happiness)

How would it make you feel to know that happiness is a choice?
If we recognise that our own happiness is within our control it is liberating. We shouldn’t look to others to make us feel happy. At the core of who we are, are our values. These are the guidelines by which we live our life. When our values are being met we can feel fulfilled, purposeful, and happy. When they are not being met we might feel negative emotions such as frustration, anger, disappointment, being undervalued, and sad. We can use our values to help us make wise choices about the jobs we accept or the type of things we do to feel fulfilled. For example, if you are someone who values accountability and you accept a job with no responsibilities you are highly likely to feel unfulfilled. Or if you have a strong sense of independence and you feel you have no freedom to do what you need to do, you might feel frustrated.

What are your choices? Here are my top tips:

  1. Identify your core values so that you recognise when they are or not being met.
  2. Identify what needs to change for you to feel fulfilled, purposeful and valued.
  3. Which of these changes are within your control and which are not?
  4. Create a plan of action. Seek out support to help you achieve and to hold yourself more accountable for creating the change you need.

There will undoubtedly be many words or phrases that stand out but the important question to ask is how would you feel if this value was not being met.

Happiness is a choice and it takes skill and requires constant practice. Understanding what makes you feel happy and what doesn’t is a great place to start. The magic really happens when you commit to doing things differently or thinking about things differently which gives you the results you want.

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TAKE THE FIRST STEP TO CREATING THE CHANGE THAT YOU NEED…

If you are interested and would like to find out more, contact Lucy today. Call 07810 205781 / email Lucy@lucytullochcoaching.co.uk or fill in the form below.

"It is clear to me that our half years’ worth of work provided a quantum shift in the way I think, which has helped me understand the values that are important to me so enabling me to understand the route and direction in which I want to take next."

KB - Deputy Head Teacher and Educational Consultant

2019-06-24T13:20:17+00:00

KB - Deputy Head Teacher and Educational Consultant

"It is clear to me that our half years’ worth of work provided a quantum shift in the way I think, which has helped me understand the values that are important to me so enabling me to understand the route and direction in which I want to take next."
"Lucy’s skills and knowledge, empathy and professionalism have completely won me over. Her ability to get to the heart of blocks and anxieties is almost uncanny"

Eley McAinsh - Writer, Editor, Producer.

2019-06-24T13:15:32+00:00

Eley McAinsh - Writer, Editor, Producer.

"Lucy’s skills and knowledge, empathy and professionalism have completely won me over. Her ability to get to the heart of blocks and anxieties is almost uncanny"
"I would highly recommend Lucy to anyone who feels that they need to make a change of some sort, whether externally or simply their own feelings about a situation."

Emma - Marketing Manager

2019-06-24T13:09:11+00:00

Emma - Marketing Manager

"I would highly recommend Lucy to anyone who feels that they need to make a change of some sort, whether externally or simply their own feelings about a situation."
"I found it very helpful to be listened too and for my thought processes to be valued for what they were, which supported me in having the confidence to take on alternative ways of thinking or doing things."

Sophy - Teacher

2019-06-24T13:04:42+00:00

Sophy - Teacher

"I found it very helpful to be listened too and for my thought processes to be valued for what they were, which supported me in having the confidence to take on alternative ways of thinking or doing things."
“Lucy Tulloch is extremely perceptive and insightful. She can hold and unite a group while including each different individual and noticing where each person might develop and grow. She is warm and fun. I would totally recommend her as a coach, she is in the right job!”

JA - Digital Marketeer

2019-06-07T11:41:40+00:00

JA - Digital Marketeer

“Lucy Tulloch is extremely perceptive and insightful. She can hold and unite a group while including each different individual and noticing where each person might develop and grow. She is warm and fun. I would totally recommend her as a coach, she is in the right job!”
"She has enabled me to bring my level of awareness to the forefront and reminded me of the mechanisms I can use to deal with general concerns and worry. Lucy's coaching has enabled me to feel much more positive and confident about the future direction of my life."

Maxima - Specialist Online Business Retailer

2019-06-24T13:10:17+00:00

Maxima - Specialist Online Business Retailer

"She has enabled me to bring my level of awareness to the forefront and reminded me of the mechanisms I can use to deal with general concerns and worry. Lucy's coaching has enabled me to feel much more positive and confident about the future direction of my life."
"This has been a brand-new experience for me and I found it very insightful and useful, in how I need to tackle things I have put off and addressing changes I need to make."

Sales Consultant, Holiday Architects, Cheltenham

2019-06-24T13:12:34+00:00

Sales Consultant, Holiday Architects, Cheltenham

"This has been a brand-new experience for me and I found it very insightful and useful, in how I need to tackle things I have put off and addressing changes I need to make."
"Lucy was already known to me and I have always found her to be professional, approachable and a great listener.  My experience of using Lucy as a coach has reinforced that opinion but has also shown me how naturally Lucy put me at ease."

M.T, Oxfordshire

2019-06-24T13:13:49+00:00

M.T, Oxfordshire

"Lucy was already known to me and I have always found her to be professional, approachable and a great listener.  My experience of using Lucy as a coach has reinforced that opinion but has also shown me how naturally Lucy put me at ease."
"Lucy has the insight to ask probing questions and get at the heart of the problem, at the same time maintaining the right balance of encouraging, listening and understanding. As a result, she has empowered me to make choices that align with my values and I will continue with the practices to stay attuned to what matters most to me in the present moment."

KB - Deputy Head Teacher and Educational Consultant

2019-06-24T13:19:30+00:00

KB - Deputy Head Teacher and Educational Consultant

"Lucy has the insight to ask probing questions and get at the heart of the problem, at the same time maintaining the right balance of encouraging, listening and understanding. As a result, she has empowered me to make choices that align with my values and I will continue with the practices to stay attuned to what matters most to me in the present moment."
"By posing the question 'Do we have any evidence to support this theory' I am able to tackle dilemmas more rationally rather than form an assumption based on speculation."

Sophy - Teacher

2019-06-24T13:02:37+00:00

Sophy - Teacher

"By posing the question 'Do we have any evidence to support this theory' I am able to tackle dilemmas more rationally rather than form an assumption based on speculation."
"Lucy and I worked through what was important to me professionally and personally and she helped me to see everything more clearly and, most importantly, to feel that I was in control of the situation."

Emma - Marketing Manager

2019-06-24T13:08:31+00:00

Emma - Marketing Manager

"Lucy and I worked through what was important to me professionally and personally and she helped me to see everything more clearly and, most importantly, to feel that I was in control of the situation."
"Honest discussions and motivational chats were highly beneficial and I can guarantee that I will be using what I learnt from Lucy throughout the rest of my career."

KB - Deputy Head Teacher and Educational Consultant

2019-06-24T13:18:46+00:00

KB - Deputy Head Teacher and Educational Consultant

"Honest discussions and motivational chats were highly beneficial and I can guarantee that I will be using what I learnt from Lucy throughout the rest of my career."
"Lucy has helped me on so many levels to change the way I think and therefore to approach things in a different way. Thank you Lucy. I have learned many life lessons that will support me in all manner of situations in the future."

Sophy - Teacher

2019-06-24T13:06:29+00:00

Sophy - Teacher

"Lucy has helped me on so many levels to change the way I think and therefore to approach things in a different way. Thank you Lucy. I have learned many life lessons that will support me in all manner of situations in the future."
"I was thrilled to have the opportunity to work with Lucy as my coach as I already knew her to be professional, insightful, logical and completely non-judgmental."

Emma - Marketing Manager

2019-06-24T13:07:49+00:00

Emma - Marketing Manager

"I was thrilled to have the opportunity to work with Lucy as my coach as I already knew her to be professional, insightful, logical and completely non-judgmental."

 

A SELECTION OF LUCY’S CLIENTS

A SELECTION OF LUCY’S CLIENTS