9 Going On 19

There is no manual when it comes to raising children. We hope we get it right, some of the time, at the very least! Whilst it can give us great joy it can also be a rollercoaster of emotions.

Maddie, a client of mine, tells me that her daughter is “9 going on 19”! She describes door slamming, defiance at the smallest request and what appears to be a lot of self-confidence. It is exhausting for Mum.

Mike describes the guilt associated with “losing the plot” with his children. Those times when he sounds as though he might be causing grievous bodily harm to his children! The fact is he is simply asking them to put their shoes on to go to school!

Then there is Annie who has a son that is proving challenging! He seems to have endless energy which is getting him into situations at school both in the playground and in class. She finds herself referring to him as “naughty” and thinks everyone, including his teacher, sees him in the same way.

What do our children need from us as parents?

Children have 4 basic development needs (source: Mia Kellmer Pringle):

  • The need for LOVE and SECURITY
  • The need for NEW EXPERIENCES
  • The need for PRAISE and RECOGNITION
  • The need for RESPONSIBILITY

When these development needs are being met, children thrive. We also feel more in control, calmer and sort of parents we hoped and dreamed we would be.

Our children learn from us.

Positive reflection

Take 5 minus to reflect on what you are proud of your children for? What are you proud of yourself for?

Did you know that children of primary school age are nagged or shouted at, on average, 55 times per day? If you find yourself falling into this statistic why not have a go at this exercise. Help your children to take more responsibility.

Take 5 minus to reflect on what you are proud of your children for? What are you proud of yourself for?

Did you know that children of primary school age are nagged or shouted at, on average, 55 times per day? If you find yourself falling into this statistic why not have a go at this exercise. Help your children to take more responsibility.

  • List everything you do for your child/ren which they could do for themselves (e.g. clearing their dishes, getting their clean school uniform out for them, tidying their bedrooms, putting technology on charge!)
  • Have a family meeting with your child/ren to agree the new expectations

Top tips for family meetings:

  • Give everyone space and time to have their say   
  • Ask the children to write down what is agreed (taking responsibility!)
  • Remember to praise when your child takes on a responsibility

I catch myself making excuses for my children; “he’s only 6” or “it is easier if I do it”! By doing this it feels easier and there will probably be fewer arguments and less shouting! But I am left feeling frustrated, fed-up and exhausted clearing up after everyone else. Our children need this development and will thrive as a result. Enable them by trusting and empowering them.

It is important to remember that there is no shame or guilt when he it comes to less than perfect parenting. Becoming more self-aware means we can build on all the good stuff we already do. Remember to celebrate all of your successes.

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9 Going On 19

There is no manual when it comes to raising children. We hope we get it right, some of the time, at the very least! Whilst it can give us great joy it can also be a rollercoaster of emotions.

Maddie, a client of mine, tells me that her daughter is “9 going on 19”! She describes door slamming, defiance at the smallest request and what appears to be a lot of self-confidence. It is exhausting for Mum.

Mike describes the guilt associated with “losing the plot” with his children. Those times when he sounds as though he might be causing grievous bodily harm to his children! The fact is he is simply asking them to put their shoes on to go to school!

Then there is Annie who has a son that is proving challenging! He seems to have endless energy which is getting him into situations at school both in the playground and in class. She finds herself referring to him as “naughty” and thinks everyone, including his teacher, sees him in the same way.

What do our children need from us as parents?

Children have 4 basic development needs (source: Mia Kellmer Pringle):

  • The need for LOVE and SECURITY
  • The need for NEW EXPERIENCES
  • The need for PRAISE and RECOGNITION
  • The need for RESPONSIBILITY

When these development needs are being met, children thrive. We also feel more in control, calmer and sort of parents we hoped and dreamed we would be.

Our children learn from us.

Positive reflection

Take 5 minus to reflect on what you are proud of your children for? What are you proud of yourself for?

Did you know that children of primary school age are nagged or shouted at, on average, 55 times per day? If you find yourself falling into this statistic why not have a go at this exercise. Help your children to take more responsibility.

Take 5 minus to reflect on what you are proud of your children for? What are you proud of yourself for?

Did you know that children of primary school age are nagged or shouted at, on average, 55 times per day? If you find yourself falling into this statistic why not have a go at this exercise. Help your children to take more responsibility.

  • List everything you do for your child/ren which they could do for themselves (e.g. clearing their dishes, getting their clean school uniform out for them, tidying their bedrooms, putting technology on charge!)
  • Have a family meeting with your child/ren to agree the new expectations

Top tips for family meetings:

  • Give everyone space and time to have their say   
  • Ask the children to write down what is agreed (taking responsibility!)
  • Remember to praise when your child takes on a responsibility

I catch myself making excuses for my children; “he’s only 6” or “it is easier if I do it”! By doing this it feels easier and there will probably be fewer arguments and less shouting! But I am left feeling frustrated, fed-up and exhausted clearing up after everyone else. Our children need this development and will thrive as a result. Enable them by trusting and empowering them.

It is important to remember that there is no shame or guilt when he it comes to less than perfect parenting. Becoming more self-aware means we can build on all the good stuff we already do. Remember to celebrate all of your successes.

SHARE THIS POST

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