9 Going On 19

There is no manual when it comes to raising children. We hope we get it right, some of the time, at the very least! Whilst it can give us great joy it can also be a rollercoaster of emotions.

Maddie, a client of mine, tells me that her daughter is “9 going on 19”! She describes door slamming, defiance at the smallest request and what appears to be a lot of self-confidence. It is exhausting for Mum.

Mike describes the guilt associated with “losing the plot” with his children. Those times when he sounds as though he might be causing grievous bodily harm to his children! The fact is he is simply asking them to put their shoes on to go to school!

Then there is Annie who has a son that is proving challenging! He seems to have endless energy which is getting him into situations at school both in the playground and in class. She finds herself referring to him as “naughty” and thinks everyone, including his teacher, sees him in the same way.

What do our children need from us as parents?

Children have 4 basic development needs (source: Mia Kellmer Pringle):

  • The need for LOVE and SECURITY
  • The need for NEW EXPERIENCES
  • The need for PRAISE and RECOGNITION
  • The need for RESPONSIBILITY

When these development needs are being met, children thrive. We also feel more in control, calmer and sort of parents we hoped and dreamed we would be.

Our children learn from us.

Positive reflection

Take 5 minus to reflect on what you are proud of your children for? What are you proud of yourself for?

Did you know that children of primary school age are nagged or shouted at, on average, 55 times per day? If you find yourself falling into this statistic why not have a go at this exercise. Help your children to take more responsibility.

Take 5 minus to reflect on what you are proud of your children for? What are you proud of yourself for?

Did you know that children of primary school age are nagged or shouted at, on average, 55 times per day? If you find yourself falling into this statistic why not have a go at this exercise. Help your children to take more responsibility.

  • List everything you do for your child/ren which they could do for themselves (e.g. clearing their dishes, getting their clean school uniform out for them, tidying their bedrooms, putting technology on charge!)
  • Have a family meeting with your child/ren to agree the new expectations

Top tips for family meetings:

  • Give everyone space and time to have their say   
  • Ask the children to write down what is agreed (taking responsibility!)
  • Remember to praise when your child takes on a responsibility

I catch myself making excuses for my children; “he’s only 6” or “it is easier if I do it”! By doing this it feels easier and there will probably be fewer arguments and less shouting! But I am left feeling frustrated, fed-up and exhausted clearing up after everyone else. Our children need this development and will thrive as a result. Enable them by trusting and empowering them.

It is important to remember that there is no shame or guilt when he it comes to less than perfect parenting. Becoming more self-aware means we can build on all the good stuff we already do. Remember to celebrate all of your successes.

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9 Going On 19

There is no manual when it comes to raising children. We hope we get it right, some of the time, at the very least! Whilst it can give us great joy it can also be a rollercoaster of emotions.

Maddie, a client of mine, tells me that her daughter is “9 going on 19”! She describes door slamming, defiance at the smallest request and what appears to be a lot of self-confidence. It is exhausting for Mum.

Mike describes the guilt associated with “losing the plot” with his children. Those times when he sounds as though he might be causing grievous bodily harm to his children! The fact is he is simply asking them to put their shoes on to go to school!

Then there is Annie who has a son that is proving challenging! He seems to have endless energy which is getting him into situations at school both in the playground and in class. She finds herself referring to him as “naughty” and thinks everyone, including his teacher, sees him in the same way.

What do our children need from us as parents?

Children have 4 basic development needs (source: Mia Kellmer Pringle):

  • The need for LOVE and SECURITY
  • The need for NEW EXPERIENCES
  • The need for PRAISE and RECOGNITION
  • The need for RESPONSIBILITY

When these development needs are being met, children thrive. We also feel more in control, calmer and sort of parents we hoped and dreamed we would be.

Our children learn from us.

Positive reflection

Take 5 minus to reflect on what you are proud of your children for? What are you proud of yourself for?

Did you know that children of primary school age are nagged or shouted at, on average, 55 times per day? If you find yourself falling into this statistic why not have a go at this exercise. Help your children to take more responsibility.

Take 5 minus to reflect on what you are proud of your children for? What are you proud of yourself for?

Did you know that children of primary school age are nagged or shouted at, on average, 55 times per day? If you find yourself falling into this statistic why not have a go at this exercise. Help your children to take more responsibility.

  • List everything you do for your child/ren which they could do for themselves (e.g. clearing their dishes, getting their clean school uniform out for them, tidying their bedrooms, putting technology on charge!)
  • Have a family meeting with your child/ren to agree the new expectations

Top tips for family meetings:

  • Give everyone space and time to have their say   
  • Ask the children to write down what is agreed (taking responsibility!)
  • Remember to praise when your child takes on a responsibility

I catch myself making excuses for my children; “he’s only 6” or “it is easier if I do it”! By doing this it feels easier and there will probably be fewer arguments and less shouting! But I am left feeling frustrated, fed-up and exhausted clearing up after everyone else. Our children need this development and will thrive as a result. Enable them by trusting and empowering them.

It is important to remember that there is no shame or guilt when he it comes to less than perfect parenting. Becoming more self-aware means we can build on all the good stuff we already do. Remember to celebrate all of your successes.

SHARE THIS POST

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If you are interested and would like to find out more, contact Lucy today. Call 07810 205781 / email Lucy@lucytullochcoaching.co.uk or fill in the form below.

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KB - Deputy Head Teacher and Educational Consultant

2019-06-24T13:20:17+00:00

KB - Deputy Head Teacher and Educational Consultant

"It is clear to me that our half years’ worth of work provided a quantum shift in the way I think, which has helped me understand the values that are important to me so enabling me to understand the route and direction in which I want to take next."
"Lucy’s skills and knowledge, empathy and professionalism have completely won me over. Her ability to get to the heart of blocks and anxieties is almost uncanny"

Eley McAinsh - Writer, Editor, Producer.

2019-06-24T13:15:32+00:00

Eley McAinsh - Writer, Editor, Producer.

"Lucy’s skills and knowledge, empathy and professionalism have completely won me over. Her ability to get to the heart of blocks and anxieties is almost uncanny"
"I would highly recommend Lucy to anyone who feels that they need to make a change of some sort, whether externally or simply their own feelings about a situation."

Emma - Marketing Manager

2019-06-24T13:09:11+00:00

Emma - Marketing Manager

"I would highly recommend Lucy to anyone who feels that they need to make a change of some sort, whether externally or simply their own feelings about a situation."
"I found it very helpful to be listened too and for my thought processes to be valued for what they were, which supported me in having the confidence to take on alternative ways of thinking or doing things."

Sophy - Teacher

2019-06-24T13:04:42+00:00

Sophy - Teacher

"I found it very helpful to be listened too and for my thought processes to be valued for what they were, which supported me in having the confidence to take on alternative ways of thinking or doing things."
“Lucy Tulloch is extremely perceptive and insightful. She can hold and unite a group while including each different individual and noticing where each person might develop and grow. She is warm and fun. I would totally recommend her as a coach, she is in the right job!”

JA - Digital Marketeer

2019-06-07T11:41:40+00:00

JA - Digital Marketeer

“Lucy Tulloch is extremely perceptive and insightful. She can hold and unite a group while including each different individual and noticing where each person might develop and grow. She is warm and fun. I would totally recommend her as a coach, she is in the right job!”
"She has enabled me to bring my level of awareness to the forefront and reminded me of the mechanisms I can use to deal with general concerns and worry. Lucy's coaching has enabled me to feel much more positive and confident about the future direction of my life."

Maxima - Specialist Online Business Retailer

2019-06-24T13:10:17+00:00

Maxima - Specialist Online Business Retailer

"She has enabled me to bring my level of awareness to the forefront and reminded me of the mechanisms I can use to deal with general concerns and worry. Lucy's coaching has enabled me to feel much more positive and confident about the future direction of my life."
"This has been a brand-new experience for me and I found it very insightful and useful, in how I need to tackle things I have put off and addressing changes I need to make."

Sales Consultant, Holiday Architects, Cheltenham

2019-06-24T13:12:34+00:00

Sales Consultant, Holiday Architects, Cheltenham

"This has been a brand-new experience for me and I found it very insightful and useful, in how I need to tackle things I have put off and addressing changes I need to make."
"Lucy was already known to me and I have always found her to be professional, approachable and a great listener.  My experience of using Lucy as a coach has reinforced that opinion but has also shown me how naturally Lucy put me at ease."

M.T, Oxfordshire

2019-06-24T13:13:49+00:00

M.T, Oxfordshire

"Lucy was already known to me and I have always found her to be professional, approachable and a great listener.  My experience of using Lucy as a coach has reinforced that opinion but has also shown me how naturally Lucy put me at ease."
"Lucy has the insight to ask probing questions and get at the heart of the problem, at the same time maintaining the right balance of encouraging, listening and understanding. As a result, she has empowered me to make choices that align with my values and I will continue with the practices to stay attuned to what matters most to me in the present moment."

KB - Deputy Head Teacher and Educational Consultant

2019-06-24T13:19:30+00:00

KB - Deputy Head Teacher and Educational Consultant

"Lucy has the insight to ask probing questions and get at the heart of the problem, at the same time maintaining the right balance of encouraging, listening and understanding. As a result, she has empowered me to make choices that align with my values and I will continue with the practices to stay attuned to what matters most to me in the present moment."
"By posing the question 'Do we have any evidence to support this theory' I am able to tackle dilemmas more rationally rather than form an assumption based on speculation."

Sophy - Teacher

2019-06-24T13:02:37+00:00

Sophy - Teacher

"By posing the question 'Do we have any evidence to support this theory' I am able to tackle dilemmas more rationally rather than form an assumption based on speculation."
"Lucy and I worked through what was important to me professionally and personally and she helped me to see everything more clearly and, most importantly, to feel that I was in control of the situation."

Emma - Marketing Manager

2019-06-24T13:08:31+00:00

Emma - Marketing Manager

"Lucy and I worked through what was important to me professionally and personally and she helped me to see everything more clearly and, most importantly, to feel that I was in control of the situation."
"Honest discussions and motivational chats were highly beneficial and I can guarantee that I will be using what I learnt from Lucy throughout the rest of my career."

KB - Deputy Head Teacher and Educational Consultant

2019-06-24T13:18:46+00:00

KB - Deputy Head Teacher and Educational Consultant

"Honest discussions and motivational chats were highly beneficial and I can guarantee that I will be using what I learnt from Lucy throughout the rest of my career."
"Lucy has helped me on so many levels to change the way I think and therefore to approach things in a different way. Thank you Lucy. I have learned many life lessons that will support me in all manner of situations in the future."

Sophy - Teacher

2019-06-24T13:06:29+00:00

Sophy - Teacher

"Lucy has helped me on so many levels to change the way I think and therefore to approach things in a different way. Thank you Lucy. I have learned many life lessons that will support me in all manner of situations in the future."
"I was thrilled to have the opportunity to work with Lucy as my coach as I already knew her to be professional, insightful, logical and completely non-judgmental."

Emma - Marketing Manager

2019-06-24T13:07:49+00:00

Emma - Marketing Manager

"I was thrilled to have the opportunity to work with Lucy as my coach as I already knew her to be professional, insightful, logical and completely non-judgmental."

 

A SELECTION OF LUCY’S CLIENTS

A SELECTION OF LUCY’S CLIENTS