Comparing Ourselves To Others

We all do it! I do it without even realising I do it! My coach is always pulling me up on it!!! Examples might be when I see a post on Instagram and this little voice says “Look how engaging that post is, Why can’t mine be like that?” It is such a subconscious thought. I used to sit in meetings and watch my colleagues give seamless presentations and I would think “wow, how do they make it looks so easy. I look so flustered when I do it”. Of course the reality is this is not always true.

​Even the most confident of person has moments of self-doubt fuelled by their comparison with others. Not only do we look at others and think they are smarter, thinner, funnier, more organised etc but we also compare ourselves to those who we think aren’t quite up to our standards. We do this because it helps to build our own self confidence and self worth. The drive to compare is as strong as the drive to eat or drink according to leading psychologists. 

​Comparing ourselves is not a helpful behaviour. Social media doesn’t help but the bad news is it is going anywhere so how do we manage our thoughts.

​Here are 3 reasons why comparisons are not helpful:

​1) Others so called perfection is probably not real. 
We all have bad hair days, shout at the kids, fluff a presentation etc. Our friends and colleague may post news of their new job but fail to tell us about the 10 interviews they had beforehand where they weren’t successful.

2) Life isn’t fair!
Be it the support you get from friends or family that has helped you raise your family, get that promotion or start your own business. It is what it is. It isn’t a reflection of a lack of hard work, ability or commitment. 

3) Comparisons create competitive relationships
​When we start comparing ourselves with others our friendships turn into ones of rivalry. It stands in the way of making human connections, empathy, consideration and fun. 

​How can you manage the drive to compare yourself?

​1) Compare yourself in order to set (realistic) goals

​If by comparing yourself to others it gives you motivation and gives you ideas and objectives it can be really helpful. But there is a balance to be had. By raising your self-awareness to keep yourself in check this can be a force for good.

​2) Choice
We all have a choice about how we think and behave. When life doesn’t feel fair we can chose to accept this reality and let it go rather than hanging on to the feelings it creates. 

3) Build relationships by supporting their success
​By building trust with our friends we will build relationships which are far more honest and open. This will undoubtedly lead to an awareness that their life isn’t perfect. And in celebrating each others successes and supporting each other during challenging times the friendship is far more rewarding than the perceived need to have achieved more.

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Comparing Ourselves To Others

We all do it! I do it without even realising I do it! My coach is always pulling me up on it!!! Examples might be when I see a post on Instagram and this little voice says “Look how engaging that post is, Why can’t mine be like that?” It is such a subconscious thought. I used to sit in meetings and watch my colleagues give seamless presentations and I would think “wow, how do they make it looks so easy. I look so flustered when I do it”. Of course the reality is this is not always true.

​Even the most confident of person has moments of self-doubt fuelled by their comparison with others. Not only do we look at others and think they are smarter, thinner, funnier, more organised etc but we also compare ourselves to those who we think aren’t quite up to our standards. We do this because it helps to build our own self confidence and self worth. The drive to compare is as strong as the drive to eat or drink according to leading psychologists. 

​Comparing ourselves is not a helpful behaviour. Social media doesn’t help but the bad news is it is going anywhere so how do we manage our thoughts.

​Here are 3 reasons why comparisons are not helpful:

​1) Others so called perfection is probably not real. 
We all have bad hair days, shout at the kids, fluff a presentation etc. Our friends and colleague may post news of their new job but fail to tell us about the 10 interviews they had beforehand where they weren’t successful.

2) Life isn’t fair!
Be it the support you get from friends or family that has helped you raise your family, get that promotion or start your own business. It is what it is. It isn’t a reflection of a lack of hard work, ability or commitment. 

3) Comparisons create competitive relationships
​When we start comparing ourselves with others our friendships turn into ones of rivalry. It stands in the way of making human connections, empathy, consideration and fun. 

​How can you manage the drive to compare yourself?

​1) Compare yourself in order to set (realistic) goals

​If by comparing yourself to others it gives you motivation and gives you ideas and objectives it can be really helpful. But there is a balance to be had. By raising your self-awareness to keep yourself in check this can be a force for good.

​2) Choice
We all have a choice about how we think and behave. When life doesn’t feel fair we can chose to accept this reality and let it go rather than hanging on to the feelings it creates. 

3) Build relationships by supporting their success
​By building trust with our friends we will build relationships which are far more honest and open. This will undoubtedly lead to an awareness that their life isn’t perfect. And in celebrating each others successes and supporting each other during challenging times the friendship is far more rewarding than the perceived need to have achieved more.

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If you are interested and would like to find out more, contact Lucy today. Call 07810 205781 / email Lucy@lucytullochcoaching.co.uk or fill in the form below.

"It is clear to me that our half years’ worth of work provided a quantum shift in the way I think, which has helped me understand the values that are important to me so enabling me to understand the route and direction in which I want to take next."

KB - Deputy Head Teacher and Educational Consultant

2019-06-24T13:20:17+00:00

KB - Deputy Head Teacher and Educational Consultant

"It is clear to me that our half years’ worth of work provided a quantum shift in the way I think, which has helped me understand the values that are important to me so enabling me to understand the route and direction in which I want to take next."
"Lucy’s skills and knowledge, empathy and professionalism have completely won me over. Her ability to get to the heart of blocks and anxieties is almost uncanny"

Eley McAinsh - Writer, Editor, Producer.

2019-06-24T13:15:32+00:00

Eley McAinsh - Writer, Editor, Producer.

"Lucy’s skills and knowledge, empathy and professionalism have completely won me over. Her ability to get to the heart of blocks and anxieties is almost uncanny"
"I would highly recommend Lucy to anyone who feels that they need to make a change of some sort, whether externally or simply their own feelings about a situation."

Emma - Marketing Manager

2019-06-24T13:09:11+00:00

Emma - Marketing Manager

"I would highly recommend Lucy to anyone who feels that they need to make a change of some sort, whether externally or simply their own feelings about a situation."
"I found it very helpful to be listened too and for my thought processes to be valued for what they were, which supported me in having the confidence to take on alternative ways of thinking or doing things."

Sophy - Teacher

2019-06-24T13:04:42+00:00

Sophy - Teacher

"I found it very helpful to be listened too and for my thought processes to be valued for what they were, which supported me in having the confidence to take on alternative ways of thinking or doing things."
“Lucy Tulloch is extremely perceptive and insightful. She can hold and unite a group while including each different individual and noticing where each person might develop and grow. She is warm and fun. I would totally recommend her as a coach, she is in the right job!”

JA - Digital Marketeer

2019-06-07T11:41:40+00:00

JA - Digital Marketeer

“Lucy Tulloch is extremely perceptive and insightful. She can hold and unite a group while including each different individual and noticing where each person might develop and grow. She is warm and fun. I would totally recommend her as a coach, she is in the right job!”
"She has enabled me to bring my level of awareness to the forefront and reminded me of the mechanisms I can use to deal with general concerns and worry. Lucy's coaching has enabled me to feel much more positive and confident about the future direction of my life."

Maxima - Specialist Online Business Retailer

2019-06-24T13:10:17+00:00

Maxima - Specialist Online Business Retailer

"She has enabled me to bring my level of awareness to the forefront and reminded me of the mechanisms I can use to deal with general concerns and worry. Lucy's coaching has enabled me to feel much more positive and confident about the future direction of my life."
"This has been a brand-new experience for me and I found it very insightful and useful, in how I need to tackle things I have put off and addressing changes I need to make."

Sales Consultant, Holiday Architects, Cheltenham

2019-06-24T13:12:34+00:00

Sales Consultant, Holiday Architects, Cheltenham

"This has been a brand-new experience for me and I found it very insightful and useful, in how I need to tackle things I have put off and addressing changes I need to make."
"Lucy was already known to me and I have always found her to be professional, approachable and a great listener.  My experience of using Lucy as a coach has reinforced that opinion but has also shown me how naturally Lucy put me at ease."

M.T, Oxfordshire

2019-06-24T13:13:49+00:00

M.T, Oxfordshire

"Lucy was already known to me and I have always found her to be professional, approachable and a great listener.  My experience of using Lucy as a coach has reinforced that opinion but has also shown me how naturally Lucy put me at ease."
"Lucy has the insight to ask probing questions and get at the heart of the problem, at the same time maintaining the right balance of encouraging, listening and understanding. As a result, she has empowered me to make choices that align with my values and I will continue with the practices to stay attuned to what matters most to me in the present moment."

KB - Deputy Head Teacher and Educational Consultant

2019-06-24T13:19:30+00:00

KB - Deputy Head Teacher and Educational Consultant

"Lucy has the insight to ask probing questions and get at the heart of the problem, at the same time maintaining the right balance of encouraging, listening and understanding. As a result, she has empowered me to make choices that align with my values and I will continue with the practices to stay attuned to what matters most to me in the present moment."
"By posing the question 'Do we have any evidence to support this theory' I am able to tackle dilemmas more rationally rather than form an assumption based on speculation."

Sophy - Teacher

2019-06-24T13:02:37+00:00

Sophy - Teacher

"By posing the question 'Do we have any evidence to support this theory' I am able to tackle dilemmas more rationally rather than form an assumption based on speculation."
"Lucy and I worked through what was important to me professionally and personally and she helped me to see everything more clearly and, most importantly, to feel that I was in control of the situation."

Emma - Marketing Manager

2019-06-24T13:08:31+00:00

Emma - Marketing Manager

"Lucy and I worked through what was important to me professionally and personally and she helped me to see everything more clearly and, most importantly, to feel that I was in control of the situation."
"Honest discussions and motivational chats were highly beneficial and I can guarantee that I will be using what I learnt from Lucy throughout the rest of my career."

KB - Deputy Head Teacher and Educational Consultant

2019-06-24T13:18:46+00:00

KB - Deputy Head Teacher and Educational Consultant

"Honest discussions and motivational chats were highly beneficial and I can guarantee that I will be using what I learnt from Lucy throughout the rest of my career."
"Lucy has helped me on so many levels to change the way I think and therefore to approach things in a different way. Thank you Lucy. I have learned many life lessons that will support me in all manner of situations in the future."

Sophy - Teacher

2019-06-24T13:06:29+00:00

Sophy - Teacher

"Lucy has helped me on so many levels to change the way I think and therefore to approach things in a different way. Thank you Lucy. I have learned many life lessons that will support me in all manner of situations in the future."
"I was thrilled to have the opportunity to work with Lucy as my coach as I already knew her to be professional, insightful, logical and completely non-judgmental."

Emma - Marketing Manager

2019-06-24T13:07:49+00:00

Emma - Marketing Manager

"I was thrilled to have the opportunity to work with Lucy as my coach as I already knew her to be professional, insightful, logical and completely non-judgmental."

 

A SELECTION OF LUCY’S CLIENTS

A SELECTION OF LUCY’S CLIENTS